What are boundaries?
Boundaries are the limits we establish for ourselves to ease stress and feelings of overwhelm. Boundaries give us a greater sense of control over our lives.
Why do we need to set boundaries?
Boundaries can:
decrease our stress levels
improve our self care
improve our relationships
increase feelings of autonomy
help us feel respected and safe
prevent burnout
improve our emotional health
improve our mental health
How do we set boundaries?
Ask yourself, "What (or who) is causing me unnecessary or additional stress in my life?" Then make a list of the area or person (or areas or people) that you have identified.
Next, ask yourself, "How can I limit how much I do in that particular area (or with that particular person)? What needs to stay and what can go?"
Then you need to communicate these limits to the people around you and ask for their support in maintaining these boundaries you are putting in place. If you need to, also talk to the person (or people) you are putting the boundaries in place with. Use words like, "I understand you're busy but this is what I need to do to look after myself", or "I can see how much work needs to be done but I just need to take better care of myself right now and so I can only do 'xyz' for you at this time".
How do we maintain our boundaries?
Continue to use open communication
Be specific about what you need
Keep reminding the people around you where your limits are
Don't apologise or make excuses
Hold firm - don't give in to pressure or people trying to make you feel guilty
Reflect on your reasons for setting boundaries in the first place and notice how this change is positively impacting your life
Final thoughts...
Do you need to set some boundaries to bring some balance to your life? To reclaim some time? To feel heard and understood? To be acknowledged for all that you do? To find a space to breathe, reset, refocus?
Give yourself some time to think and process the possibility of setting limits around what you do. Giving yourself this time and space will prevent you reacting on impulse or saying something that might be hurtful to someone else.
When you're ready, begin at step 1 above. Remember this is about taking care of yourself. Let me know how setting boundaries changes things for you.
Sophie x
I like this step by step approach